When i think about it… we had the same problems even when i came back. Leaving you wasn’t the complete reason you lost the knowledge of how to be a good boyfriend.. ‘cus before, you were like that. then after, you were still like that. I never had to come back, but i did because i thought you were better. i thought you wouldnt disappoint me. Instead you lied, kept me waiting everyday, lacked effort, smiled when i cried, and said “Huh?”, when i made complete sense.

I was determined to make us work this time, but i could only take so much. I know what i had to offer, and realized you didn’t deserve it after multiple broken promises, &words left with no action to support ‘em. I had so much heart left in me for you, but you cant make someone want it, ycant make someone reach out and pull it closer. You let communication, trust, and effort slip thru your fingers. So its my turn.

24 hours may seem too long for a single day, but i did it. i kept my distance &it was easier than i thought it would be. Another 24 hours tomorrow, and the next next next.. until you stop popping up in my thoughts.

Sometimes i feel like i do shit to myself. the shit where you sulk around & reminiscence, and it leads u nowhere. But i think i do that once in awhile to see if those songs/pictures/videos/memories/letters/objecs still have an effect on me.

I dislike being alone. I like having someone to share what happened during my day, during my cheer prac, what laughs i had, or what annoyed tf outa me. Starting the morning with a good morning call or text &ending the night with a maybe a pillow talk.. but of course a good night.

On the other hand, i want my independence back. I’ve been in two serious relationships over the years and i’ve seemed to have lost the ability to be happy by myself. Im glad i still have my friends, thee best lovers.

Its time to accept that things will never be the same again. Time to move forward and not look back.

Whether i develop a new crush or stick with only myself, i just want to be happy. What makes it hard are the memories of what seemed to be the best peak of m’life. Time for a new peak, different thrill, new laughs. Nothing completely serious, Nothing but good ol’ company.

&shit, Valentine’s is right around the corner…